"You're such a picky person!" she said.
"Oh really? What am I picky about?"
"Everything! You're picky about food, about music, and even about people."
I've been called far worse things than picky before, and I had just been teasing her about her taste in music. But for some reason it hit a sore spot, I wasn't ready to move on.
"What if I just have high standards?" I asked. "What's the difference between being picky and having high standards?"
"Nothing" she replied. "Except high standards usually means you're looking for something."
High standards usually means you're looking for something.
This girl hit the nail on the head by calling me picky. Don't even try to feed me coffee, tomatoes, mint, or salad dressing. I probably hate your music. In the cases of food and music, I know what I like. I make a habit of trying foods or music I don't think I'll like or that I didn't like in the past, on the off chance that I discover something good. But by and large, I'm an excellent judge of my own tastes. I have high standards, because I know what I want and I'm actively separating the chaff looking for it. However, in the case of judging people, by this girl's definition, its definitely pickiness.
I'm quick to zoom in on someone's faults. Find a too many or too glaring faults, and I have very little difficulty writing off that person altogether. It's like I'm looking for reasons to disqualify people from being worth my attention. If the person isn't tailor-made to suit my taste, I don't usually even bother to remember their name. It's a very limiting way to approach one's social life, but its not like mean to do this. It happens by default, unless I actively work against it.
It goes double for girls. I'm really harsh with my deal-breakers, perhaps overly so. Smoking cigarettes, or an annoying laugh, or a stupid comment made in class, or a boring vibe, or even an interest in horses is enough to extinguish my interest in a girl. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with these deal breakers, but I've realized that I'm approaching from the wrong angle entirely. I'm focussing on the negatives, looking for a reason to give her a failing grade. I'm constantly ignoring a girl's beautiful qualities, and writing her off because she doesn't look good in that hoodie she always wears. Maybe if I approached from the positive angle, I'd be too caught up in a girl's positive traits to mind so much that she listens to Top 40 music.
So it's undeniable that I'm picky with people. I'm not looking for something good in particular, only picking out things I don't like. Now I've got figure out what it is I'm looking for, so I can turn my pickiness into high standards.
